Where it all Started…

As we approach the Holiday Season, Christmas in particular I want to take up space to share a little more about the woman that shaped and loved me into who I have become. I said goodbye to her in 2019 on Christmas Eve.

My “Mammy” was born in 1939 in a small town in Pennsylvania. She grew up as the oldest daughter to a single mom for part of her life, not knowing her biological father, and being told she wasn’t wanted. Her grandparents helped to raise her until her mother married (a not so great guy). My grandmother then became the sister to four brothers and one sister. Mammy navigated the hardship of being a daughter to a single mom in the 1940’s (not an easy feet), survived her relationship with her step-dad, and suffered the difficulties of being the outcast of the new blended family. #toughlady

She met my Pap in 1955 & they were married in 1957 after she graduated from High School. They were married for 62 years and adored each other. She would tell the story of their meeting, her falling head over heels, and how they completed each other. I wanted that love story! I have it but it looks like my version not hers (which is the part of the story I missed the first time around). They had three children 2 boys & a girl (my mom). My Pap bought land in Maryland and built them a big beautiful house, the house I grew up in & they died in. So many memories!

She would tell me often that we were “two peas in a pod” since we had similar beginnings, and we were both loved unconditionally by our grandparents. She would also tell me stories of heartache and abandon. I loved knowing & hearing about her struggles with her family because it made me feel more loved and less alone. Mammy made it clear every day of my life that I was loved. This I now recognize as her ability to give me something she desperately yearned for as did I. I was lucky enough to be able to give her my unconditional love too which put her & my Pappy on pedestals in my heart.

She was my favorite person alongside of my “Pappy”. I spent my first 3 years of my life with then later lived with them full time when I was 9. I am grateful and honored to have been raised by them. For now I am going to focus on Mammy because, well this blog is about “badass” women. She was a “badass” and definitely was a catalyst for me being the woman I am, encouraged me to create, to love, and be myself.

During Covid 19 the phrase “not all heroes wear capes” was on everything. It honored the people working in the service and medical industry during this time. My grandma was my hero and she wore a cape; although it looked a lot like Mrs. Klaus’ red coat.

She spent her adult life put others first; being a mother, and grandmother. I know, I know…I can hear all the criticism as I write this. But if you remember above she was born in 1939 which was a different time. She made it her life to care for us. My grandfather and I loved her and appreciated her so much! #pedestal

I learned from her how to be a woman and to love my family while also learning to take care of myself because sometimes she didn’t take time to care for herself. This came with discoveries, mess ups, tears, love, and patience on both of our parts.

A few years before I said goodbye to her and my grandpa she said to me, “you taught us how to love you”. As we sat in the car as we did often, sharing stories, catching up, and deciding what to do together next. Usually a meal a Burger King, Chick Fila, or Friendly’s & then hours in Micheals, Joann’s, and other stores looking, touching, and thinking of cool things we could make. She explained that she wasn’t always a mushy, lovey, and affectionate woman. She said that I taught her how to be vulnerable and to be able to express her feelings. I was shocked because I thought she did that for me.

She taught me that I could come to her for anything, that vintage was cool, and that she would be there for me no matter what. My grandma made the most of everything and would drop everything if I was having “feelings” to be there for me. She taught me that even if things were tough it would make you stronger. Albeit she didn’t always know what to do with all of my “big feelings” she was there beside me.

Mammy was good at everything…sewing, baking, cooking, gardening, woodworking, decorating, being a mom and wife, and she was happy. These are traditional things women were “good” at and to some don’t seem like skills that would, could, or should break the Glass Ceiling. However, Moms (in my case a Grandma) form us & help us navigate the world, teach us, provide our base for life. Without them

Most of all loving me & sharing her joy and love for Christmas! This is the most bittersweet time because I said goodbye to her at Christmas & it was our favorite time of the year.

This is my season! It was her season too. She created a home that was full of joy, beauty, yummy Christmas goodies, and love at the holidays. I love this season some much because of her & it still catches me off guard that she isn’t here to share it with me.

There was never a day I didn’t feel loved unconditionally by Mammy & Pappy. These are my favorite things…as Rodgers & Hammerstein so eloquently had Julie Andrews sing.

Christmas with her was…Magical!

1. Walking through stores like Sears checking off the list of gifts we would make together sitting at the kitchen table.
2. Looking through catalogs endlessly discussing who and what we would buy.
3. Making and eating cookies, which she would labor over for days before the holiday (which Pap and I would try not to eat all before Christmas).
4. She would choose a new “theme” for her artificial tree each year. (we would go shopping for new colors, ornaments, ribbons, wreaths, garland). Her favorite was red & gold.
5. We would wrap presents together.
6. Decorate Together.
7. Listen to music.
8. Share Stories.
9. Create Memories.
10. Thanksgiving (once she had prepped and successfully executed) was a feast for a minimum of 12 people. The day after she would get “the guys” (my Pap and Uncle Glenn) off to spend the week at the Hunting Cabin, Smoky Hollow in PA.  Then she and I would begin our Christmas Adventures.  First up, leftovers, Coca-Colas and Christmas Movies in our PJ’s.  Our first movie was always White Christmas.  She would tell me every year about how much she loved Bing Crosby, et al’s voices together. She would also share how much she enjoyed Vera Ellen’s dancing.  (I love it so much to this day)
11.  We would anticipate Snow! Wishing each year for a White Christmas.

The Glass Canvas is broken one woman at a time!

It is broken by women supporting women.

It is broken by teaching the younger generation to be the best versions of themselves.

It is broken by being proud of other women’s joy & accomplishments.

It is broken by learning from your mistakes and sharing those with others.

It is broken by being vulnerable. It is broken by shared stories of failure, heartbreak, loss, love, loneliness, compassion, kindness, joy, and doing better than was done to you.

It is broken by following your heart!

It is broken by seeking & finding your own words, opinions, joy, love, & choosing the life you want versus what others have or what others tell you to have.

It is broken with creativity & art!

These days Christmas looks different without her and Pap but I am never without them!

I have the memories & love. They are inside me and in my tears of joy and sadness.

I decorate our home, shower our friends with love, joy, and create new memories with Andrew, the pups, the people we love. This year we are headed to Christmas Markets & Pastries.

Tell the people this season that you love them & why! & choose your own version of the Holiday Season (not what social media or tv says). Life is too short literally.

Merry Christmas!

#twopeasinapod

Until next on @glasscanvas!

Instagram – @heartmailstudios & @heartsonwalks

See you soon – M.E

#heartsonwalks #heartmailstudios #raleigh #snowday